NATHALIE ARCHANGEL

by Nathalie Archangel


COLUMBIA RECORDS
BFC 40521
1987
STEREO





SIDE A:



Mr. Perfect For Me
I Can't Reach You
Diamonds In The Rough
Let's Make Love
What I'd Do

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SIDE B:



Never Be The Same
Pledge My Time
It Was Us
La Vie Continue...
Never Let Me Down Again

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Editor's note: I was half expecting this to be the worst record I'd ever heard but it turned out to be pretty good for what it is: synth pop. A few of the songs were actually decent songs that I'm kind of surprised that I'd never heard on the radio. "Let's Make Love", "It Was Us" and "Never Let Me Down Again" are catchy enough to have been minor hits. Hell, maybe they were but as far as I know this one went unnoticed.

A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR AND A VISIT TO THE DENTIST

by Clay Boland, Jr. with the Peter Pan Chorus and Orchestra


PETER PAN RECORDS
8058
Circa 1965
STEREO


SIDE A



A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR

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SIDE B:



A VISIT TO THE DENTIST

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Editor's note: man I love this record! Not only does it capture a more "innocent time" in our history but it also provides a good fear deterrent and even better music for a kid going to the doctor or dentist for the first time. Of course, your child and mine, will be wearing an iPod and listening to Beyonce while we jam out to this in our panelled station wagon's cassette deck and with a fist bump will tell you rather existentially, "I'm cool widdit daddy-o."

AURORA 7

with Astronaut M. Scott Carpenter


NELSON DOUBLEDAY, INC
ZSV 85148
1963?
STEREO





SIDE A:



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SIDE B:



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Editor's note: if it's a paper moon then it's on fire with the power of lies. If it's real then it's made of cheese. If men have gone there they have enjoyed fresh hot nachos. If you do not believe this then you're a sinister and swarthy ape!

IF I CAN HELP SOMEBODY

by Kenneth Glover

B/K PRODUCTIONS
1004
1970s
STEREO



SIDE A:



Create Me A Soul
King Jesus Will Roll All Burdens Away
Blessed Jesus
Rock My Soul
If I Can Help Somebody
He's Everything You Need

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SIDE B:



Did You Stop To Pray This Morning
Without Him
Touch Me Lord Jesus
How Great Thou Art
He Knows How Much We Can Bear
Have A Little Talk With Jesus

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Editor's note: no clue when this came out but this dude could sing. Hell, maybe he still does/can. I can't find anything about him but from the looks of the cover he's most likely out saving the world. Somebody has to.

MELODIES SUD-AMERICAINES

by Franck Pourcel

ODEON RECORDS
11320
1974
ESTEREO


SIDE A:



CIELITO LINDO
CUMBIA DEL PAPAGAYO
MALAGUENA
ADELITA
NOCHE DE RONDA

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SIDE B:



QUIEREME MUCHO
ALMA LLANERA
THE PEANUT VENDOR
PERFIDIA
LA CUCARACHA
TRES PALABRAS

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Editor's note: take Edvard Grieg, 1970s French Pop and circus music and this is what you get. With Spanish titles? Perchance this Sub-Americaines thing means South America and hence the Spanish? Who cares about knowledge when we have a fine-haired and full-eyed woman in trippy-hippy garb in our sights.

SCHOOL DAYS

by The Harrington Brothers


ALLEN-MARTIN PRODUCTIONS
AM-80-119
Circa 1975
STEREO





SIDE A:



Do You Remember When?
Caroline
Strollin' Down Harmony Lane
He's Got The Whole World In His Hand
Animal Crackers
In The Little Red School House

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SIDE B:



Hello
My Wild Irish Rose
Yes Sir, That's My Baby
Darkness on the Delta
So High, So Low, So Wide
Heart of My Heart Medley

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Editor's note: I'm not into barbershop but hey... these guys took time out to sign this record for somebody who was, back in the day, so the least we could do is repay that nicety with a listen, quick as it may be. Leave it up to the trained ear to decide whether it is technically worthy or not. It's worth to me is in that it's rare and thus dear.

MUSIC IS NEWS

by Various Artists


CAPITOL RECORDS
SPRO-6088
Circa 1970
STEREO


SIDE A:



Alright in the City - Dunn & McCashen 2:42
Down to the Wire - Yellow Hand 2:30
Let it Roll - Ashton, Gardner + Dyke 4:23
Rock and Roll Women - Brinsley Schwarz 3:19
Bad Luck Blues - David Rea 2:28
You Can't Deny It - Edward Bear 4:40

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SIDE B:



Hymn to Me - Brinsley Schwarz 4:50
I'm Your Spiritual Breadman - Ashton, Gardner + Dyke 3:19
Home - Yellow Hand 2:40
I May Be Gone - David Rea 2:30
Monday - Edward Bear 5:32
I Am - Dunn & McCashen 2:53

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Editor's note: emerging artists that never really emerged. What? You wanted a review? Okay. I'm underwhelmed. Feel better now?

AEROBICISE: THE ORIGINAL MUSIC

by Shiva


RONCO
RTV 20080
1983
STEREO





SIDE A:



CLASS ONE
Bella Bella (Warm-Up) 2:52
Ajitto (Tone-Up) 3:43
One Hand Clapping (Aerobics) 3:20
Skin (Cool-Down) 3:02

CLASS TWO
One More Way (Warm-Up) 3:28
Flat Out (Tone-Up) 3:44
Go For It (Aerobics) 3:50
Sweet N; Nasty (Cool-Down) 2:53

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SIDE B:



CLASS THREE
Show Me (Warm-Up) 4:13
What Does It Take (Tone-Up) 4:17
Hot Sox (Tone-Up) 2:55
Ode To Joy (Aerobics) 4:20
Hit It (Aerobics) 4:50
Never Gonna Give You Up (Cool-Down) 3:58

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Editor's note: the only thing that's going to make your back arch like that and send your hair into ecstatic flying hind way is sexy time in a darkly-lit German discotecque. A disco-jazz-electronica amalgamation with funkadelic beats so you can do more than shadowdance with your own physique.

DEEP RELAXATION: A SLEEP TEACHING RECORD

by Franklyn Maccormack


STANFORD INSTITUTE
Generic Label/Yellow Vinyl
Circa 1950s





SIDE A:



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SIDE B:



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Editor's note: no...none of the artwork above is part of this record. It is a yellow piece of wax with a generic label and cover. It is also one of my favorite LPs of all time. An offer of $50 for less than 15 minutes of record seemed like a bargain and so I sold it a few years back. Luckily, I was smart enough to make an mp3 of it. The organ in the background steals the show for me. The narrator was a Chicago DJ who broadcasted over-nights on the radio reading poetry and playing relaxing music. Apparently he was successful because he also sold millions of records. Anyhow, this is a hard find that I didn't know was a rarity because I came across it in my first few days of serious record scouting. Hell, I thought that I'd find a few more by now. Ah- well, I'll see you again someday old yellow waxer.

THE COUCH POTATOES B/W WALKING DOWN THE AISLE

by Darrell and Jean


SKIPPER RECORDS
SR 1004
1988
STEREO


SIDE A:



THE COUCH POTATOES 3:15

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SIDE B:



WALKING DOWN THE AISLE 2:50

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Editor's note: one part schtick and another part stick o' butter, this is fattening fare for the fun frollicking few from guffaw-ville. Yeee haw! Actually, the B-side isn't bad musically or vocally, if that's your thing. It's better than listening to Duran Duran one more time!

SONGS FOR YOU

by Marcy


ZONDERVAN RECORDS
ZLP 723
1966
STEREO


SIDE A:



WHY NOT I? 1:19
GOD IS ALWAYS NEAR ME - THE BIBLE IS PRECIOUS TO ME 2:24
WHEN ALL MY DREAMS COME TUMBLING DOWN 1:26
SH, SH; SIT VERY QUIETLY :21
NO WONDER 1:25
HE'S ABLE 2:01
JESUS IS MY SHEPHERD :35
SHADRACH, MESHACH, AND ABEDNEGO :43
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD 1:47

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SIDE B:



H-E-A-V-E-N - JOY, JOY, JOY! 2:08
PUT A GREAT BIG GLOWING SMILE ON YOUR FACE :43
SING YOUR CARES AWAY :58
IF YOU'RE SAVED ANFD YOU KNOW IT - LITTLE HELPERS FOR JESUS 2:02
BE A LITTLE CANDLE :58
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW 1:22
I'M SO HAPPY 1:14
ALL DAY LONG MY HEART KEEPS SINGING 1:29

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Editor's note: I wonder if Big Marcy was possessed by Little Marcy or vice versa. Actually, I don't wonder. I was just trying to trick you into admitting that you were thinking of Marcy in a philosophical light. Don't do it folks, she's just a dummy!

TANGO

Raoul Martinez and the Latinero Strings


TOPS RECORDS
L 1686
Circa 1960
MONO





SIDE A:



El Choclo
La Paloma
A Media Luz
Arana De La Noche
La Cumparsita

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SIDE B:



Pepita
La Golondrina
Tango Serenata
Los Banderillas
Adios Muchachos

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Editor's note: I was completely unamused by this record which promised so much! I thought it would be in the same energetic vein as the Cleopatra of the Nile but whereas that record flies like a magic carpet this one never quite gets off the ground. Maybe it's just me but I found it pretty goddamn tepid!

THE ROGER V. SHOW

by Roger V.


VARIETY RECORDS
RJ 61673
1960s?
STEREO


SIDE A:



ARE YOU HAPPY 2:35
TONIGHT I GAVE THE GREATEST PERFORMANCE 3:58
YOU'RE NOBODY (Till Somebody Loves You) 3:15
I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY 4:30
A SONG FOR YOU 2:41

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SIDE B:



MAYBE THIS TIME 3:32
DON'T DO WHAT I DO 3:28
MALAGUENA SALEROSA 3:34
SAN ANTONIO ROSE 2:27
MY WAY 4:05

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Editor's note: another great Nashville find. Well...the cover is a winner anyhow. Let me listen to this beast before I rave about the entire package. Ummm...well...urgh...uhhh...yeah. It's Roger V. alright.

VIVA TIRADO

by El Chicano


KAPP RECORDS
KS 3632
1970
STEREO





SIDE A:



CANTALOUPE ISLAND 6:05
QUIET VILLAGE 5:37
THE LOOK OF LOVE 2:04
ELEANOR RIGBY 5:35

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SIDE B:



VIVA TIRADO 4:53
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A MOTHERLESS CHILD 4:10
HURT SO BAD 4:35
LIGHT MY FIRE :25
COMING HOME BABY 5:25

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Editor's note: no disrespect to these guys but this sounds like a b-side compilation from Santana in his hey-day. Minus the vocals. Which was the best part of Santana's music anyway, right? Adding covers of Eleanor Rigby and Light My Fire doesn't hurt this covers redistribution LP effort at all. I knew I would like this as soon as I picked it up for a very excellent 49 cents and I was right. Dead nuts on, internet mofos. Cha cha cha.

MANHATTAN BOOGIE-WOOGIE

by Landscape


RCA RECORDS
NFL1-8028
1982
STEREO


SIDE A:



one rule for the rich
bad times
when you leave your lover
the long way home

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SIDE B:



it's not my real name
colour code(tell me something new)
manhattan boogie-woogie
eastern girls

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Editor's note: maybe it's just me but the balding guy with the mustache seems to be the whole focus of the record. Subliminally there's a message there but I don't know what it's saying. He even seems to be more in focus than the other blurry-faced androids. Maybe that's my future. Maybe that's all of our futures. What I do know is that when that future comes this record will not make it to the middle piles of my fortress of waxitude.

AVON CAMPAIGN 21

by Avon


AVON INC.
N-AC-6074
1968
STEREO





SIDE A:



Sales Meeting

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SIDE B:



Medley

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Editor's note: gadzooooooks! Who would have thunk that I would find an Avon Christmas album in the midst of September and come to find that it's supposed to be listened to in SEPTEMBER as well! Well, it is. You better get going door-to-door because the Avon fiends are waiting for you to get their early Xmas shopping done. This record will tell you how on SIDE A and help you along with seasonal music on the flip side. It's a 49 cent gem I tell you.